Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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