I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
