I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
