So drunk, too bad you don't want this
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
