Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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