We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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