He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
