no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
