I have demons in me.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
