i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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