I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
