Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish you could order shots online.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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