i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i will never coherently bang her
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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