TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
