I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
