I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
