They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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