I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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