We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
