Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize