I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like death gave me a hand job
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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