His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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