I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He shit in the fireplace
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
