You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
