dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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