this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize