i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
