maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
