Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
