I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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