So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i was born a porn star she said
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize