Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize