sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
