we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
