Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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