come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
