I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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