Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My balls are so social today.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
