batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
do herpes really smell.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
