Can Purell be used as lube?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
