I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
