i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my shit smells like andre
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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