Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
