i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I need a beard to bite.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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