I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
