put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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