My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
