Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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