his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
the raccoons are back...
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