I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize