So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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