One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
