butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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