I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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