I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
