This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
