i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Mom said you looked used
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
