dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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