BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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