Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize