Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
