I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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