remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize