I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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