he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
