I got chris browned last night
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
