Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
