Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
