apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
