I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
